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Love.

In it’s most intrinsic form.

The overwhelmingly warm rush of joy that starts in your chest, spreading and flowing through every inch of your body.
When the warm rush fills every inch of your body, it’ll beg for freedom, exploding in a form of a smile.

When he’s with me.

I finally belong.

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I am a void begging to be freed from the emptiness that envelops me.
It’s like a hole that gets bigger and bigger, screaming to be fed. 
Searching 
                 and
                         searching

for something that may not even exist

 

                                              anymore

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

-“The Old Astronomer” by Sarah Williams

You were different from the rest.

You chose me. Out of everyone. I chose you, because you were special. You were different. Amazing.
You took my breath, you kissed it, you wanted it.
You held my hand, fingers entwined, promises.
You took my time, sweet nothings, false dreams and hopes
You stopped my heart, stole it, broke it.

You broke the perfect mirror image I built of you and it shattered in broken pieces around me.
I step in the broken fragments everyday, wondering what went so wrong.

What happened to you, what happened to the other half of me? We were one, a team, a unit.

And now

There’s nothing.

Worse than strangers.

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Being forgotten is like a wandering ghost.

The memories that were shared.
The emotions that no one else made me feel.
The promises you made; your little finger entwined with mine.

How sad it is, that nothing really ever lasts.

to never move on
I stay the same. Square number one. on.

People change, people move on, people go. I stay. I leave parts of myself with people. When they go, I follow them silently to not lose myself. I will lose myself if I don’t follow.

I will be a stranger to myself.

I will lose myself. They will take me and run away, they will forget me. I never forget. I remember. I want to be part of their lives – I want to make an impact. To have once been something to someone, then nothing.

Now how that does that work?

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I don’t want to grow up.

You know why? I want to believe again.

One moment is all it takes

Imagine accepting losing everything in one moment. Its easier than it sounds, there’s no time to think, no time to scream.

I watched it, I watched as we crashed, how did he think we’d get under, how did he how did he. Watched as the bridge came startlingly close to their heads, watched as the glass shattered, frozen mid air in time. So it’s true, I thought, everything does go slow.

Imagine one scream. Then silence. Silence is not golden, silence is the sound of fear.

Imagine blood. Imagine shaking and crying and more blood and the hands are shaking and the blood is dripping and I have to get off, away from this nightmare. Things like this don’t happen to people like us. They just don’t.

Imagine everyone alive, safe and not seriously injured.
Imagine the fear that’s inside, every time.

Amazing….

how words can take you somewhere else entirely. I could lose myself in a book, feel everything that the character feels. I’m not in my stuffy, small bedroom anymore but I was a little girl called Liesel tiptoeing down into the basement with snow in my hand, a snowman.
It’s a sense of magic, and utter freedom that you can disappear into someone else. It’s so wonderful I wish to read forever, but the book always ends; and you are reminded to make something of your life. Don’t let it slip away.

 Hello beautiful, welcome to my home.
I shall name you Midnight.

Ironically.