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a slow ache that starts in the air,
it travels into my mouth,
my chest heavy with regret,
my eyes sting with confusion,
breathing is labour,
when the ache only intensifies
and kills me slowly

Today I found my old diary.
Memories crashed over me like a tidal wave, suffocating me. I couldn’t breathe. 

it’s the realisation of giving someone your all,
but still not being good enough.

I believe, that is what hurts the most. 

Feel it rising,
The hot air which travels from our mouths
into our spines, a tingling sensation
which connects us both.
A fire that feeds on the lust that we expel
A hungry bite that is growling for more than lips
We are not in control
But the animal that lives inside 

Sometimes looks aren’t needed.
Nor words.
Nor touch.

Sometimes what is, is enough.

If only my tears would disappear
For they are jammed between my heart and my throat,
Strangling me

 

If I had one more chance. 
I would plant kisses till I grew a garden upon you
I would trace you until I had memorised your outline
I’d fill the intricate details in; that wide hauntingly enchanting mouth, piercing eyes, 
I’d melt in your vision, a puddle that seeps slowly into you,
The comforting weight of your arm around my body,
Eyelashes fluttering against my cheek; a chuckle that begins in the bottom of your stomach,

The evil whispers. 
How I long for the whispers.

The darkness drags me screaming back into the light,
Nails scrape against the floor making lines
Away from you

My darkness, my guilty pleasure

Image

Whispered conversations into the early hours of the morning
The muffled laughs into pillows, duvets.
When it’s dark we are truly ourselves,
And when our voices mingled, we were one.

Privacy exists. Please let me express my thoughts in full anonymity. If I can’t do this, I might explode. You know who you are. 

 

 

Image

 

I’ve discovered something amazing. The cheat to life.

Don’t feel.
If you don’t care, you can’t feel
If you can’t feel, you can’t hurt. 

If you can’t hurt, no one can hurt you.

If no one can hurt you, you, are indestructible. 

 

Sometimes I wonder, if I were just to lay down and disappear

how long it would take for people to forget I even existed

This May Have Just Saved Me