I think I’m the only one

to never move on
I stay the same. Square number one. on.

People change, people move on, people go. I stay. I leave parts of myself with people. When they go, I follow them silently to not lose myself. I will lose myself if I don’t follow.

I will be a stranger to myself.

I will lose myself. They will take me and run away, they will forget me. I never forget. I remember. I want to be part of their lives – I want to make an impact. To have once been something to someone, then nothing.

Now how that does that work?

I don’t want to grow up…

I don’t want to grow up.

You know why? I want to believe again.

One moment

One moment is all it takes

Imagine accepting losing everything in one moment. Its easier than it sounds, there’s no time to think, no time to scream.

I watched it, I watched as we crashed, how did he think we’d get under, how did he how did he. Watched as the bridge came startlingly close to their heads, watched as the glass shattered, frozen mid air in time. So it’s true, I thought, everything does go slow.

Imagine one scream. Then silence. Silence is not golden, silence is the sound of fear.

Imagine blood. Imagine shaking and crying and more blood and the hands are shaking and the blood is dripping and I have to get off, away from this nightmare. Things like this don’t happen to people like us. They just don’t.

Imagine everyone alive, safe and not seriously injured.
Imagine the fear that’s inside, every time.

Another World.

Amazing….

how words can take you somewhere else entirely. I could lose myself in a book, feel everything that the character feels. I’m not in my stuffy, small bedroom anymore but I was a little girl called Liesel tiptoeing down into the basement with snow in my hand, a snowman.
It’s a sense of magic, and utter freedom that you can disappear into someone else. It’s so wonderful I wish to read forever, but the book always ends; and you are reminded to make something of your life. Don’t let it slip away.

I love you.

 Hello beautiful, welcome to my home.
I shall name you Midnight.

Ironically.

Stars.

I was on a cruise ship, middle of the sea. Nothing but the blackness covering me like a blanket. The only light I see is from the sky, the stars winking down at me, the moon shining peacefully into the darkness.
I lay down on a deckchair. I want to catch those stars, I want to touch them. I settle for counting them, straining my neck so I can see more. Neverending, the galaxy is expanding. The galaxy is dying. It really depends on how you look at it. I wonder if other planets can see us, I imagine our sun as the tiniest but the brightest star there. Beauty.

I was blessed to be there, no pollution but the true nature surrounding me. Cold sea air whipping around me, drying my pool wet hair. Nothing covers the stars, nothing covers the moon. I wanted to be there forever, but you’ve got to keep moving on.

Keyboard.

  

One day I decided to clean out my room and I found a little dusty keyboard under my bed, right at the back.
I had lessons when I was about eight and had just forgotten about it. When I found it I smiled,  a feeling of urge filling me to my toes.
I looked at my fingers, grey from the dust bunnies on the keyboard. I got a few wipes, mopped it down and went on Youtube to learn some songs.

When I play, all my emotions just spill out through my fingertips. I speak through the music. I like the way how it’s all natural, how it’s like my fingers are dancing. I don’t have to think at all. It’s like my mind had shut down and my body is controlling itself for once… without need of  any help. I like it.

Midnight.

Occasionally, very rarely often I lie in bed with my eyes open, listening. I listen very carefully, every creek sending shivers through me.

I wait and I wait.

Just after it pasts Midnight my family are fast asleep, dreaming sweet dreams. My mum will be in her double bed alone, as she complains my dad is fat and sends him to the guest room to sleep, although secretly I think that she just wants the bed to herself.
My dad will be in the single bed, he’ll be wearing his going-to-bed shirt which he has worn for over 20 years and refuses to sleep in any other shirt.
My brother is an obsessive computer freak, so he’ll have his headphones and microphone headset on and the world will be far away to him.

I pull a dark coat on over my Topshop superhero patterned pyjama bottoms and I’ll open the front door, putting a finger to my lips when my Golden Retriever tries to lick my leg and failing when she realizes I’m wearing pyjama bottoms. I close the front door behind me, and I’ll walk to the place I like to call my own, lit up only by a small lamp. My mind is emptied by the cold night air whipping into my face, but I like it. I look up, trying to look for the stars through the pollution.
I fail mostly, but I can always find the moon. Bright and staring down at me.

 

Smile.

It’s amazing what a smile can do.

Next time you’re out smile at a stranger, it might just make their day. I smile at anyone, and almost everytime I recieve a smile back. It’s nice. Sometimes I get some “wtf” looks, but thats okay haha. So, just smile.

Keep Holding On.